How to master self-acceptance:

The key to overcoming self-consciousness

For four years, high school is intended to surround adolescents with same-age peers to promote communication skills, leadership abilities, and team motivation. However, at this age, this really turns into a rollercoaster of emotions from freshman year to graduation. From the limited popularity, the body shaming, cliques forming, and different emerging reputations, the high school environment not only creates a network of friendships and enemies, but also develops a life-long self-consciousness into the minds of teenagers. With a diploma in hand, and a college acceptance letter on the fridge, it seems like the days of embarrassment and uncertainty are over. However, as any Bowling for Soup fans would know, “High school never ends.” How do we end this cycle of self-consciousness and doubt when we are constantly surrounded by others?

       

According to psychologist Dr. Andrea F. Polard, “We are prone to seek perfection in a world that suggests that perfection is possible.” Whether this stems from images found in media or even comparing ourselves to other people on social media, self-consciousness can develop from traits we determine to be flaws. It becomes easy to think our bodies are misshapen, our minds are subpar, or our personalities are uninteresting if we decide that any imperfection is a fatal flaw. However, life is not meant to be perfect. Though this is much easier to write than to actually put into practice, a simple change in thought could completely change how we see ourselves.

       

Positive psychology is "the scientific study of what makes life most worth living,” according to psychologist Christopher Peterson. The idea behind positive psychology is to focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. Instead of pinpointing what makes us “not good enough,” we should focus on why we are worth time and energy. Furthermore, not only should we focus on positive thoughts, we need to stop agreeing with negative thoughts. Psychotherapist Aaron Karmin explains that when we think others will confirm our negative thoughts, we can become self-conscious. Karmin says, “If someone tells you that you’re a purple elephant, you likely won’t feel insulted. That’s because there is no agreement that you have that goes ‘I believe that I might be a purple elephant and that is a bad thing.’” Therefore, by not agreeing with negative thoughts, rational or irrational, we could see ourselves in a better light.

       

Though I do not see this article as an appropriate outlet to share my insecurities and hardships, I did want to share a piece of advice I received about dealing with self-consciousness. I was told to picture myself walking into a room where everyone was looking at me. Then, I was asked, “What are they thinking?” Of course, in my mind, this situation would only lead to the people in the room having a negative discussion about my flaws and how unliked I was. Next, I was asked “So, what if they are?” Though this may have seemed harsh at first, that question has resonated with me for a while. Though I still feel a bit uneasy with all eyes on me, I know that even if every single person I encountered focused only on my flaws (which is not extremely likely), I will still have my health, hobbies, friends, and family. Positive thinking is a work in progress, but it is a progression nonetheless.