“You don’t seem like someone who would let that happen,” one of my closest friends told  me recently.

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The Kavanaugh hearings have prompted me think about my high school boyfriend more this week than I have over the past several years. Things that I forgot about have come back to haunt me; things that I had buried deep in my mind so they could not hurt me. Numerous women that I know have shared their stories of abuse, and my brain cannot fully comprehend the scope of the problem we have here before us.

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The #MeToo Movement revolutionized the way our society looks at sexual assault. Or at least we thought. I see this moment, whether or not to confirm Kavanaugh, as a test of the progress being made. Will we believe the women? Will we allow someone who has several sexual assault accusations against him sit on the highest court in the land? Will we let Kavanaugh set the example that it doesn’t matter what you did at 17? Not even mentioning the inconsistencies in Kavanaugh’s testimony and his unprofessional demeanor throughout the process.

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My high school boyfriend and I had the same birthday of the same year. We were literally hours apart in age, and yet I had been taught about how to guard myself against men for years. I can assure you that he was not given the same lectures. By the time I started my period at age 11, I already knew that I could not walk alone at night or in secluded areas. I must always be on guard and keep my eyes out for anyone who might be following me. I’ve passed my house and driven around the roads near my house because I thought someone was following me. This summer I was driving home after a concert in Pittsburgh and stopped at a rest stop. I had a male friend with me, and I made sure he was awake and told him to look for me if I wasn’t back in five minutes. I had my phone unlocked with his number up in case something happened. This fall, several of my female friends and I went to bars in Erie and we had to repeatedly tell men to go away or to stop trying to dance behind us. My stories are not uncommon.

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Not too long ago, my mom told me a story that made me understand why she was so nervous about her two daughters going off into the world. After she graduated high school, she went to live in California for a couple of years. She worked in the Conservation Corps, and a girl who was friends with all of her friends, but whom she did not know, was coming to visit them. On the way, the girl was attacked, raped, and strung up in a tree. My mom slept in the bed that had formerly belonged to that girl. It has been at least 30 years since that happened, but it still haunts my mother, and now me.

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I could list story after story from just people I know personally.

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This issue is about sex, but it’s also about power and respect. If a man does not respect women when he is 17, when will he learn it? The moment he turns 18 he is able to vote, join the military, and is tried as an adult in court, but he is not fundamentally different than he was the day before at 17. People are making excuses for Kavanaugh because of his age, yet they discredit Dr. Christine Blasey Ford for not reporting when she was 15-years-old. This is nothing short of hypocritical, but it also is extremely disturbing. Why should the woman shoulder the responsibility? Why couldn’t the man keep his hands off of her in the first place?

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The past week I have wanted to cry and cry and never stop crying. I want to curl into a ball and mourn for all of the women who have died at the hands of men. I want to hold all of my fellow survivors in my arms and reassure them that it will all turn out okay. I want to heal their hurting, but I can’t do that, at least not on my own. We need men and women to stand up against those who use their physical strength and positions of power to abuse others, whether that be sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. We need to teach our boys from the moment they come into this world that their strength must be used to build and not destroy. If we taught our boys to respect others and their autonomy like the way we teach women to be cautious and quiet, our world would be much different.

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Last week after Blasey Ford and Kavanaugh testified, two women confronted Arizona Senator Jeff Flake as he was getting into an elevator. Their words have stuck with me, particularly what 23-year-old Maria Gallagher said through tears.

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“I was sexually assaulted and nobody believed me. I didn’t tell anyone, and you’re telling all women that they don’t matter, that they should just stay quiet because if they tell you what happened to them you are going to ignore them,” she said. “That’s what happened to me, and that’s what you are telling all women in America, that they don’t matter.” Flake is seen looking down, and Gallagher says, “Don’t look away from me.”

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My ex-boyfriend and I were both 17 when I broke up with him and he repeatedly shoved me into a wall. Did his age make that excusable? I have heard with my own ears people making excuses for a 17-year-old Kavanaugh, and I know those people were not aware of my experiences.

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Instead of looking away or down and ignoring problems, we need to work together to face them. Abusers need to be held accountable for what they did, whether it was last night, a year ago, or half a century ago. Our system of justice should not make exceptions for white, powerful, and privileged males. Blasey Ford’s life has been impacted by the events of that night beyond comprehension, just as mine has been by what my ex-boyfriend did to me. To let Kavanaugh sit on the U.S. Supreme Court would be a step in the wrong direction that will take years to reverse and that will cause irreparable damage to the integrity of our court system and to the safety of victims.

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I have a five-year-old niece. I love her and my three nephews more than I ever knew I could love. When thinking about sexual assault and the future of our country, I don’t think about my nephews. I think about my niece. The moment I begin to think about someone hurting her, I cry and feel a rage that I cannot put into words. For her and for all of the other women and girls in this world, we must all fight until we are so exhausted that it is inconceivable to continue on. We must yell until we lose our voices and march until the soles of our shoes are worn. Regardless of whether or not Kavanaugh is confirmed as a U.S. Supreme Court Justice, we must persist.