“New year, new me” is so often the mantra of the first couple weeks of the year, before laziness and doubt begin to set in, while people are still motivated by the prospect of twelve fresh months to redefine themselves.

 

The phrase is often tossed about facetiously, as many recognize that the start of a new year does not always mean change. However, this January perhaps, it is time for many of us to take a long, hard look at the people with which we surround ourselves, and recognize that, while completely reinventing one’s self at the start of the year is a little unrealistic, some things--like unhealthy relationships--are better left in 2016.
           

Especially in a college environment, we are so often taught the warning signs of an intimate, romantic relationship gone toxic. However, recognizing a poisonous friendship is just as important and equally as difficult. Obviously, it is not always going to be like an after-school special in which a peer pressure situation involves a sketchy-looking friend offering you hard drugs in the bathroom between classes. Oftentimes, it is much more complicated. It could be passive aggressive statements that damage self-esteem. Alternately, the friendship might involve emotional manipulation. Whether intentional or not, it is important to recognize that a friendship should go both ways: if you find yourself constantly having to solve your friend’s issues while putting aside your own priorities, maybe it is time to start considering distancing yourself from that friend.

 

Acknowledging negative behaviors in a friendship is not always resolved by completely cutting the person out. Oftentimes, we find ourselves being influenced by the habits of others, like the pressure to spend money that maybe should be budgeted for more practical things or the temptation to frequent parties or bars every weekend when studying should take the front seat. Like so many 12-step programs and reality shows emphasize, the first step to addressing this problem is recognizing that there is a problem. By recognizing these behaviors as unbeneficial, you may be able to implement more control in the situation, rather than having to end a friendship.

 

Sometimes, though, however difficult the decision may be, taking a break from certain friendships may simply be the best option. Revisiting the relationship in the future may be possible, but like fashion designer Diane von Fustenberg said on MTV’s The City, “the most important relationship in your life is the [one] you have with yourself.”

 

As we have all heard at some point in our experience at college, this is the time to redefine ourselves, to live selfishly and unapologetically, and to discover what we are made of. At this pivotal time in our lives, having a friend who might inhibit this personal growth could possibly be a waste of time. If it does come down to letting go of a friendship that has little benefit, we can rest easy knowing that this difficult decision will have notably positive effects on not only one’s self worth but also mental health. While distancing yourself from an emotionally damaging friendship is harder than one might think, sometimes, in this period of self-discovery and growth, it’s the only solution.