We often tell girls they can be anything, mostly as a means to empower them, but have we ever taken a moment to stop and tell boys the same thing? Obviously, the reason for telling girls this stems from the centuries of women being forced into a life of housework and childbearing. We encourage girls to get careers, to become involved in politics and to not be dependent on men. Those are all good and well and help free women from the oppression they long faced. However, I do not want to focus on the history of women’s rights or the role of women. Instead, I want to focus how this conversation has left boys behind and the detriments of that.

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A recent article published in the New York Times entitled, “Many Ways to Be a Girl, but One Way to Be a Boy: The New Gender Rules,” writer Claire Cain Miller points out “Boys seem to have been largely left out of the conversation about gender equality. Even as girls’ options have opened up, boys’ lives are still constricted by traditional gender norms: being strong, athletic and stoic.” While none of those traits are inherently bad, there is a major issue comes from belittling those who do not fit the traditional definition of masculinity.

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The most cliché example of this obviously is when it comes to showing emotion, hence the saying “boys don’t cry.” Men are expected to bottle up their emotions inside and never show it, never talk about it to anyone, which can be deeply harmful to one’s mental health. This is likely why men under the age of 50 are more likely to die by suicide than any other means. In addition, guys often tend to police each other to be more masculine, especially when it comes to hobbies. Guys are often discouraged from partaking in certain activities such as dance or theatre.

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If a guy were to partake in one of the “forbidden activities” it would open him up to a slew of insults. It is not uncommon for guys to label more feminine guys as gay and use demeaning words such as queer or fag, regardless of their actual sexual orientation. This is not only ridiculous, as there is no direct link between being gay and being feminine, but it gives guys the idea that being gay is bad, which is supported by the fact that when polled, the percentage of men who believe homosexuality should be accepted by society has been consistently lower than women.

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These attitudes and behaviors create a major issue for men in general. It makes it harder for heterosexual men to truly express themselves out of fear of being mislabeled. This also makes it harder for gay men to come out, as it gives off an appearance that they won’t be accepted for who they are. This is tragic in both cases, as it keeps people from expressing themselves how they see fit.

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To all the guys out there who feel like they don’t fit the traditional masculine profile, know that I stand with you. You are free to express yourself however you see fit. It’s okay to show emotion. It’s okay to like dance or theatre. Liking those things doesn’t automatically make you gay. It’s also okay to be masculine and also be gay. The two are not mutually exclusive. How you want to express yourself is up to you. You can be anything you want to be.